How Can I Forgive When it Hurts so Much?

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV) 
14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 
15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


Forgiveness hurts. The one forgiving feels as if they suffer a loss. And in fact, there is a loss involved. Jesus used money to help explain the principle of forgiveness. A king was owed 10,000 talents. In today's economy, gold is about $1,100 per ounce. There are 7,196 ounces in 10,000 talents, thus making what this man owed $7,915,600.00.

I have debt, but not $8 million worth.

In that Bible parable, the man who owed that debt would never be able to repay it. I fall into that category too. And not just economically. I owed that type of impossible debt to the Lord as well. My sin was an $8 million mess. But God specializes in making miracles out of messes.

However, it hurts to forgive. Just as Jesus. Forgiveness is a matter of life and death.

I could not repay the debt I owed for my sin. I had to file spiritual bankruptcy. I had nowhere to turn. No one would take a chance on the loser I was.

Except God!

He chose to forgive, knowing that I would never be able to repay the debt I owed. He took a loss on the transaction. It cost Him His life. And the most amazing part of it all is that He did for me while I was yet a sinner! There is no way I can get good enough to get God. I had to get God in order to become good.

In the same Bible account, the king forgives the man of his 10,000 talents ($8 million). He clears the books, takes the loss, and releases the man from the debt. That's powerful. That's what it feels like when we repent, knowing that we are hopeless and helpless, and God forgives. That's why repenting brings such a feeling of release and relief. A load has been lifted.

But instead of this man passing on the blessing to others, he goes out and immediately finds someone who owes him 100 pence. A pence is a penny and was a days wage for the common man. In other words, this forgiven man was owed one hundred pennies. If you do minimum wage for 100 days to bring this to modern economy, it is less than $6,000 that he was owed.

Let's look at the math. This unnamed servant owes nearly $8 million and after begging for his life and the life of his family, he is forgiven. In one compelling word, the king takes the loss and allows the man to leave free of the debt. This same man is owed less than $6,000 and DOES NOT forgive as he has just been forgiven!

The king hears about this and brings back this unforgiving man. He calls him a wicked servant. And then he puts back on him the $8 million he owed originally and casts the man into prison.

This parable ends with a very life and death reality when Jesus says, "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses." Matthew 18:35 (KJV)

Forgiveness is a life and death matter. I don't deny that it hurts to forgive. I know it hurts. It hurt my Lord to forgive me - it hurt Him so much, He died. In fact, He died of a broken heart literally. The only way for blood and water to flow is if the heart is broken.

Yes, it might hurt me to take a $6,000 loss. Sure, there are those who have offended me, hurt me, said all manner of evil against me, betrayed me, lied about me, and the list could keep on going. But I would have to forgive 1,334 of them before I could equal the $8 million Jesus forgave me of originally.

I say originally, because I've not been perfect since He first forgave me. I've had to repent since then, in fact, like Paul, I now die daily. So, the reality is I could never forgive enough to equal what He has forgiven me of.

Eternity hinges on forgiveness. Will you allow a $6,000 dispute between you and your brother to keep you from heaven? I won't.

Let's learn from the Greatest - Jesus Christ - and let's forgive others as we have been forgiven.

Forgiveness: The Heart of Prayer

Matthew 6:9-15 (KJV) 
9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 
10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 
11 Give us this day our daily bread. 
12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. 
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. 

Jesus gives us a pattern for prayer, but at the heart of prayer is forgiveness. The word "forgive" is mentioned six times in these seven verses. And God will forgive us based on how we forgive others. If that doesn't shake you up, I don't know what will. Notice the word "as" in verse 12 - "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."

If we forgive others, God will forgive us. If we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us. It's that simple. It's that plain.

The debt others owe me pales in comparison to the debt I owe God. God freely forgave me when I repented of my sin (debt). I should freely forgive others of the debt they owe me.

Could it be that forgiveness, or the lack thereof, affects our prayer? I believe it does.

So, if your prayers seem hindered, maybe you should examine your heart. Do you need to forgive someone? Are you holding something over someone's head? Forgiveness can release the bitterness and enhance your prayer life.

Can you forgive others? Can you ask God to forgive others? Jesus did. So did Stephen. Learn to pray like Jesus, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Learn to pray like Stephen, "Lord, lay not this sin to their charge."

Don't allow bitterness and a lack of forgiveness hinder your prayers.

Prayer Perspective

Matthew 6:5-8 (ESV) 
5 “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 
6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 
7 “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. 
8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. 

Serving the Living God is a powerful reality. Being able to pray to the Living God is equally powerful. Knowing that He already knows what I have need of before I ask blows my mind!

As a parent, I've learned to look for certain clues which have given me keen insight into something my kids have done or said. Often, they wonder in amazement as to how I figured "it" out. However, this only happens occasionally. But the simple fact is, I don't always know what my kids want or what they have done, especially before they do it or ask for it.

But my Heavenly Father does! He knows what I have need of BEFORE I ask for it. Before I realize my need, God already knows it, and knows what I need to overcome and get through. That's powerful!

This perspective leads me to a better understanding of what prayer is all about. First, though, let's examine what prayer is NOT...

Prayer is not mindless babble.

It is not a one-way lecture.

Prayer is not simply giving God my request list.

Prayer IS my communication with God. It is time to express thanks for who He is and what He does. Prayer is an opportunity for me to draw closer to God and strengthen my relationship with Him.

Praying together is something the Bible instructs us to do. We see this throughout the book of Acts as they daily went to the temple at the hour of prayer. So, why does Jesus suggest that when one prayers to do it alone in their prayer closet?

The daily prayer in the temple was a season of cooperate prayer of the whole church. It was a time to come together to offer to God worship and thanksgiving. However, one should have a relationship with God that transcends church. If your only prayer life is at prayer meeting, you'll be weak in the faith. Creating a consistent relationship with God through private prayer is rewarding and refreshing.

Jesus also addressed those that heaped up empty phrases during prayer, explaining that this somehow qualified their prayers. But the fact is, if you have nothing to say, then remain silent. Maybe God is trying to speak back to you. Saying things for the sake of just saying them makes no sense in conversation, and neither do they in prayer.

Often, I find myself asking God what His prayer requests are. How many times do we take our list to God? And, we should. Scripture tells us to bring our petitions to the Lord with thanksgiving. But, I wonder how many times we pray "locally" when God desires us to pray "globally"!

Consider this - if God answered the prayer requests you prayed for today, who would benefit the most? You? Others?

Keep praying, but change your perspective to how God views prayer. Let it revolutionize your relationship with Jesus. Prayer is not optional, it is vital. Prayer is to the soul what water is to the body. God desires to commune with you. He awaits you in your prayer closet...

Temporal VS Eternal Reward

Matthew 6:1-4 (ESV) 
1 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. 
2 “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 
3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 
4 so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 

If someone asks you, "Why are you a Christian?" What is your answer?

Do you serve to be seen? Are you religious so that you will be recognized?

The Pharisees loved to give, but they wanted to be publicly thanked for their giving. They desired the attention that came from being praised by the crowds for their gifts to the poor. But those who desire recognition have already received their reward and will not be honored eternally by God for their gift.

The question that we have to answer is, "Do we want a temporal or an eternal reward?"

What is the motive behind your desire for ministry? I fear too many seek to teach a class, sing or play an instrument on the platform, or preach behind the pulpit so that they will be recognized and rewarded. But this goes against the very essence of what ministry is all about. To be in ministry is to serve, not be served. To be in ministry is to help, love, and lead, and all without expecting to be rewarded, recognized, or even reimbursed.

Yes, I know there is Biblical precedent for giving honor where honor is due, but have you ever noticed that those in ministry often feel awkward about receiving accolades for their service? These types of leaders who serve because they love God and His Church are the backbone of the Body of Christ.

Many are paraded on platforms in our churches. Some have a personality so compelling that they are known from coast to coast. However, some of the greatest heroes of the church are those who are behind the scenes, who are never seen, who rarely (if ever) walk across the platform, but who give their time, effort, and support to others. These unsung heroes will one day be rewarded eternally, and then, everyone will know who they were and how they served.

Which type of person do you desire to be? Which type of reward are you after?

Think about it.......